The focus of this blog post is on erectile dysfunction caused by repressed childhood sexual abuse. This is sexual abuse that took place in your early childhood (often in the pre verbal development stage) that you may not have any cognitive memory of, but you clearly have some somatic memory of. The research shows that men who experienced childhood sexual abuse are 2-3 times more likely to suffer with erectile dysfunction. Healing the root causes rather than medicating the symptoms is key to being able to regain feeling, sensitivity and confidence, and is a deep journey into reclaiming sovereignty over your body and sexual life force.
The truth is, erectile dysfunction (ED) exists on a wide spectrum, varying in severity. Many men may not be fully aware that they have it, putting it down to stress or performance anxiety. It ranges from not being able to get an erection at all, to only being able to hold it for a brief period, to not being as erect as you'd like and many more variations of altered function including premature ejaculation or inability to ejaculate. It is ultimately a loss of control and connection of the body because of traumatic patterns trapped in the nervous system , emotional body and pelvic area.
Sexual trauma imprints lie dormant in the nervous system and energy body through childhood until many decades later when physical symptoms become chronic. This dissociative mechanism is how the childhood brain protects itself from overwhelming fear - but shutting down and disconnecting from body sensations - particularly those of sexual arousal.
It is incredibly difficult to resolve the issue of erectile dysfunction when you're just focused on the symptoms and not on identifying and addressing the deeper root causes.
The symptom is the erectile dysfunction itself, and therefore trying to conquer this or override your body's protective response without understanding why your body is shutting down, typically leads to never ending cycles of frustration and despair. This can deeply affect your body perception and trust, your self esteem, your intimate relationships and your ability to receive and feel sexual pleasure. The stress this can put on your mental health can be really overwhelming especially if it is something that you've experienced for many years and with different partners. It can feel like there is no way out except to live in a 'broken body'.
However, healing is possible when you address the core traumas held in your nervous system.
The path to finally and forever healing erectile dysfunction is to somatically, emotionally and energetically resolve the underlying and often unconscious traumatic imprints that trigger the shut down response in your body.
Read more about why here.
What is Erectile Dysfunction?
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a complex condition that can stem from physical, psychological, or a combination of factors. While it often has an underlying physical cause, psychological elements can also play a significant role.
Unlike situational difficulties, ED typically persists across various sexual encounters and partners. It's characterized by a physiological inability to achieve or maintain an erection sufficient for sexual activity. This impairment in erectile function occurs regardless of the individual's mental state.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) manifests on a spectrum, with varying degrees of severity and presentation among individuals. Some men find themselves numb and desensitised, some are only partially able to achieve erection, some can achieve an erection for a brief period but it doesn't last long, and for others an erection is impossible.
The Research: Childhood Sexual Abuse & Erectile Dysfunction
Research has shown a significant link between a history of sexual abuse and erectile dysfunction (ED) in men. Multiple studies have found that men who experienced childhood sexual abuse (CSA) are at higher risk for developing ED later in life. One study by Najman et al. (2005) found that men with a history of sexual abuse were 2-3 times more likely to experience ED. Another study by Loeb et al. (2002) reported that men with a history of CSA were 1.7 times more likely to experience sexual dysfunction.
Additionally, Laumann et al. (2008) found that 61% of men with a history of CSA reported symptoms of ED, compared to 45% of non-abused men. These findings highlight the long-term impact that sexual abuse can have on men's sexual health and function.
Why Erectile Dysfunction Can Be Hard to Heal
CSA survivors with ED have a lower response rate to standard ED treatments (50-60%) compared to the general population (70-80%). Source: Rellini, A., & Meston, C. (2011). This often sets men on the quest for deeper healing.
As a survivor of childhood sexual trauma, there can be a tendency to blame and feel ashamed of your body. You might have a feeling that somehow your body is working against you rather than with you, that is doesn't cooperate or listen to you or even that your body is 'broken.' These are all things that my clients who have been through childhood sexual trauma share at the start of their healing journey.
The reason this makes erectile dysfunction so hard to heal is because as long as you blame your body for shutting down, you are not recognising why your body has to shut down in the first place. This keeps the sexual trauma repressed and unconscious and makes it impossible to heal. The first step towards healing is to identify that your body and somatic response holds your story and is not an irrational response. It is happening for a reason and that reason contains information that is absolutely necessary for your healing.
Another reason why erectile dysfunction is so hard to heal is because it is a symptom that creates another constellation of psychological symptoms so you end up with effectively a layered cake of trauma and limiting beliefs that need to be transmuted through a somatic and energetic process. The challenge is when this all gets bundled up into one thing in your mind which leads to an oversimplification of the issue, typically this sounds like 'i've got anxiety / I just get anxious.' This reductive view doesn't account for the complex underlying causes.
Erectile dysfunction can become an isolating and lonely experience.
Not only are you disconnected from the centre of your power (pelvis, root space and genitals) and grounding which can make it hard to self regulate and understand your own body sensations but you might also find yourself disconnecting from people you most need support from in order to heal - your partner, your best friend etc.
This can leave you stuck in an echo chamber of your own thoughts and often triggers a shame-guilt-blame cycle.
What does this look like?
You feel an overwhelming shame so you disconnect, then you feel guilty for disconnecting and then feel isolated with the problem, you may turn to self harming behaviours in the form of addictions (particularly alcohol, drugs and pornography). This offers temporary distraction, but the addictions require constant feeding. When you do this, you eventually start blaming yourself and your body for 'putting you in this situation.' The result is that your body shuts down. This reinforces your symptoms of erectile dysfunction and the cycle repeats.
By repeating the cycle over the course of many years, your neural networks become wired to this response and you are effectively training your nervous system and brain to respond to shame by shutting down. Ironically, this pattern also mirrors the body's deeper response to childhood sexual trauma, which is shut down down to avoid feeling and processing shame and fear. This keeps the trauma repressed and makes it hard to heal and resolve the issue.
The Dangers of Medicating Your Erectile Dysfunction
You might turn to medications for temporary relief, but this can lead to dependency or require increasing dosages over time. In some cases, it may even result in secondary side effects. According to a 2016 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, up to 70% of men taking ED medications experience at least one side effect. The most common side effects include headaches (reported by 15% of users), flushing (12%), nasal congestion (10%), back pain (6%), muscle aches (5%), indigestion (5%), dizziness (3%), vision changes such as blue tinge or light sensitivity (2-3%), nausea (2%), and skin rashes (1-2%).
It's crucial to understand that your body is exhibiting a natural protective response to trauma. Far from being broken, your system is actually demonstrating a highly intelligent reaction, working to shield you from further overwhelm.
Research published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress (2018) indicates that up to 80% of individuals with a history of sexual trauma experience some form of psychosomatic symptoms, including sexual dysfunction.
When you begin to engage in deeper self-inquiry and trauma healing work at the nervous system level, you'll start to identify cause and effect relationships. You'll also begin to recognize where traumatic fear imprints are held in your pelvic tissues and genitals. A 2019 study in the International Journal of Sexual Health found that 65% of men who underwent trauma-informed therapy for ED reported significant improvements in both erectile function and overall sexual satisfaction within six months.
How Childhood Sexual Abuse Affects Your Pelvis & Genitals
Theories of embodiment posit that trauma is reflected in the body and that the memory of trauma is stored in the somatosensory system (Ensink et al., 2016; van der Kolk, 2014). According to this theory, traumatic experiences that are stored and expressed in the body, including sensations, emotions, and physical responses and can also explain one's sexual difficulties. This is especially true when the traumatic experiences included unwanted or painful touch are thought to be stored in the body as implicit memories and unpleasant sensations, and impact one's ability to experience sexual pleasure (Gewirtz-Meydan & Ofir-Lavee, 2020; Zoldbrod, 2015).
Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) can deeply affect the pelvis and genitals in complex ways. When trauma occurs, the body's freeze response can kick in, leading to feelings of immobilization during intimate moments. This causes chronic tension in the pelvic muscles. When pelvic floor muscles remain chronically tense, it can constrict blood vessels in the area. This tension reduces blood flow to the genitals, which is crucial for achieving and maintaining an erection.
Trauma also disrupts the nervous system, making it hard to feel safe and relaxed during sexual encounters. You may struggle to recognize your own bodily sensations accurately, including arousal cues. This can force you into your head to try to either force your own arousal or can create that feeling of anxiety. Over time, if left untreated, your brain can rewire itself, sometimes interpreting pleasurable touch as threatening. This is especially true when you have been sexually abused as a child, because the pleasure and fear pathways are now co-mingled. It can create great confusion for you and your partner.
Stress from past trauma trapped in the nervous system can also throw your hormones off balance, affecting your libido and sexual function. Your body may remain in a state of high alert, causing increased heart rate and blood pressure during sexual situations. Or you can just end up feeling blocked and numb.
Sexual trauma can make it challenging to be in your body during sex or fully experience sexual pleasure. It can also impact your ability to cultivate deeper intimacy, because you're almost expecting to disappoint your partner or be rejected by them at some point in the future. This further erodes your fragile self worth and self esteem and reinforces the wound of shame.
Understanding these interconnected physical and emotional effects is key to developing effective healing strategies for abuse survivors experiencing sexual difficulties. Click here to take my online course on healing childhood sexual abuse, or book a 1-1 call with me.
You Might Also Like To Listen To:
14 mins guided practice to release pelvic floor tension
Womb and sexual energy
Womb to Warrior: Healing Masculine Energy Through Womb WorkHow to Embody your Divine Masculine Energy - Episode 70
How to balance masculine and feminine energy
Physical Signs of Erectile Dysfunction
You rarely feel in the mood for sex or have little interest in sexual activity.
You find it challenging to stay present during sexual activities without very focused stimulation.
You struggle to get and maintain an erection, even when you want to be intimate.
You find it difficult to become aroused without intense physical stimulation.
You feel frustrated because your body doesn't respond as quickly as you'd like to sexual stimuli.
You need to use sex toys or other aids to achieve sufficient stimulation.
Your erection doesn't last throughout sexual activity, often fading before you're ready.
Your erections feel softer or less firm than you'd like
You notice less feeling or sensation in your genital area during touch or stimulation. Sometimes you can't feel anything at all.
You experience pain or discomfort in your pelvic region
Your pelvic floor feels tense and blocked
Your pelvis area feels numb and energy doesn't flow to this area
You feel a sense of numbness during sex unless stimulation is very intense
You ejaculate sooner than you'd like, or find it hard to ejaculate at all.
Parts of your genitals sometimes feel numb or tingly for no apparent reason.
Reaching orgasm is difficult or takes much longer than it used to.
You notice that little or no semen comes out when you ejaculate.
The muscles in your thighs, buttocks, or lower abdomen feel tense or tight.
You notice digestive issues or bowel discomfort that intensifies with sexual arousal or activity.
You get headaches or migraines during sex or when aroused
Your genitals are unusually sensitive to touch
Psychological Impact of Erectile Dysfunction
Lowered self-esteem and self-confidence
Feelings of inadequacy or emasculation
Anxiety about sexual performance
Depression or mood swings
Increased stress levels, particularly related to intimate situations
Avoidance of sexual encounters or intimacy
Relationship strain or conflicts with partners
Feelings of shame or embarrassment
Fear of disappointing your partner
Reduced overall life satisfaction
Negative body image
Increased self-consciousness during intimate moments
Frustration and anger, often directed at yourself
Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
Difficulty concentrating on daily tasks due to preoccupation with the issue
Social withdrawal or isolation
Feelings of hopelessness about future relationships
Increased sensitivity to rejection or criticism
Performance anxiety
Questioning your sexual identity
Questioning your attractiveness
Questioning your self worth / manhood
Obsessive thoughts about sexual performance
Difficulty discussing sexual issues openly with partners or healthcare providers
Reluctance to seek romantic relationships
Fear of intimacy
Imposter syndrome
Avoidant attachment tendencies
Feelings of loss or grief for past sexual experiences
Development of unhealthy coping mechanisms (e.g., porn, substance abuse)
Childhood Sexual Abuse, Pornography and Erectile Dysfunction
Unhealed sexual trauma and ED can lead to other coping and protective mechanisms that are harmful to your body and spirit. For example, it's common to suffer with addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling and pornography. The reason for this is that they can release short busts of dopamine that temporarily offer you a feeling of escaping your current emotional state. As the escape from the feelings is temporary, repeated usage is required, until it becomes essential to survive. The only other option is to fall into the shame.
Research shows that men with a history of childhood sexual abuse are more likely to report higher levels of both compulsive sexual behaviour and problematic porn addiction) Roe-Sepowitz et al. (2012), Vaillancourt-Morel et al. (2015), Pepping et al. (2018)).
Connecting to your body sensations especially your pelvic area or engaging in physical intimacy can trigger shut down, flashbacks, fear, shame and grief.
To cope with all the fear and trauma around sexual energy, many survivors have to dissociate – to disconnect from feeling their body sensations and emotions. Over time, frequent use of porn can lead to erectile dysfunction. This then reinforces the continued use of porn because it feels 'safer' than taking on the risk of a sexual experience with a real person, particularly when there is sexual dysfunction and the risk of not being able to maintain an erection.
For the addict and sexual trauma survivor, pornography feels like a safer place and offers immediate gratification without having to feel their deeper emotional body.
Pornography addiction is physically and mentally dangerous and is deeply destroying the masculinity of modern men around the world. Prolonged use rewires your brain's reward system, hormones and ability to process somatic sensation. In the long run, it leaves you numb, dissociated and more susceptible to nervous system dysregulation and chronic health problems including inflammation and sexual dysfunction.
Pornography use is traumatising and actually perpetuates the original wound of sexual abuse which violates a person's sovereignty over their own body (we can only feel sovereign when we are IN our body), perpetuates guilt and shame which is frequently the emotions trapped in the inner child's nervous system and energy body, and effectively disconnects you from your true sexual life force energy and root space. In these ways, pornography addiction mirrors the sexual trauma you experienced as a child.
At a neurological level, porn addiction disrupts the normal functioning of the brain and leads to:
1) Dopamine Desensitization: Your brain releases larger amounts of dopamine when viewing porn. Over time, this leads to desensitization, where your brain becomes less responsive to natural dopamine release. Over time, you need more intense sexual experiences to feel aroused, or natural intimacy does not give you the same amount of pleasure so you start distancing yourself from this. It could also lead you to engage in risky sexual experiences that highly charged, toxic or dangerous.
2) Altered Reward Circuitry: Watching porn rewires your brains reward system, particularly the nucleus accumbens, which becomes recalibrated to respond more strongly to pornographic content than to real-life sexual cues. This can lead to stronger compulsions to watch porn and less sexual satisfaction with your partner. It can make it it difficult to feel aroused or to sustain the sexual charge and your erection during sex.
3) Prefrontal Cortex Changes: Frequent pornography use can affect your prefrontal cortex. This area of your brain is responsible for decision-making and impulse control. Over time, this can start to blur your ability to think clearly and make good choices. It can also perpetuate the compulsion to consume pornography, or you might find yourself trying to recreate pornographic scenes with your partner and feeling disappointed.
4) Stress Response Alterations: Your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis regulates your nervous system and stress response. Over time, continued porn addiction can actually change the structure and function of the HPA axis, especially when emotionally you feel intense guilt, shame and stress.
5) Oxytocin and Vasopressin Disruption: By disrupting the natural balance of oxytocin and vasopressin, excessive pornography use can potentially hinder your capacity for deep emotional connection and intimacy. This can put strain on your relationships. If you already have an avoidant attachment style it can perpetuate your feelings of mistrust, overwhelm and isolation.
6) Pelvic Floor Muscle Changes: When you frequently masturbate to pornography, especially using a tight grip or intense stimulation, you are tightening your pelvic floor muscles which then affect your sexual function. Chronic tension in these muscles, makes it difficult for you to fully relax and experience deeper pleasure and orgasms.
The tension restricts blood flow to your genitals, which is crucial for achieving and maintaining an erection. As a result, you might find yourself struggling with erectile dysfunction.
Moreover, the intense stimulation you're accustomed to can decrease sensitivity in the nerves of your penis over time. This means you might need more stimulation to become aroused, and you could have trouble maintaining an erection with the typically less intense stimulation from a partner.
7) Psychological Factors:
Pornography creates unrealistic expectations about your body and of what sexual intimacy involves. It can become hard to recognise that what you are watching is not 'the ideal' sexual experience. This can create confusion, body dysmorphia and stress. Over time, perpetuating self doubt and unrealistic standards puts further stress on your nervous system and relationships.
While all these changes can occur with frequent pornography use, they're not permanent and you can heal. However, you do need to try to understand the deeper root causes of your addiction to porn and how this relates to your childhood experiences.
According to a 2016 study in "Behavioral Sciences," 63% of men reported that they were able to achieve normal sexual function and no longer suffered from ED after abstaining from pornography for a period of time. In a study by Park et al. (2016) participants reported improvements in erectile function after 8 weeks of abstinence from pornography.
Another survey conducted by NoFap.com ( a website dedicated to helping people overcome porn addiction, excessive masturbation, and other compulsive sexual behavior) found that erectile dysfunction resolved after abstaining from both
pornography and masturbation in as little as 1-2 weeks.
27% reported recovery within 1-2 weeks
34% reported recovery within 2-4 weeks
24% reported recovery within 1-3 months
15% reported recovery taking longer than 3 months
Healing Childhood Sexual Trauma & Erectile Dysfunction
ED is not a life sentence and it's possible to heal and develop a healthy sexual relationship and feel empowered in your body and sexual energy. With the right guidance and healing approach you can overcome this and embody your masculine energy in ways that provide you peace, confidence and a sense of connection to your true power and sexual life force.
Below I will outline the steps for healing at a high level.
Recognise that ED is a dissociation mechanism and is your body's way of protecting you from sensations and heavy, buried emotional pain
Accept that healing ED is a trauma healing journey and you will need to face your childhood at a deep level
Reorientate from psychological to somatic processing and start working with rather than against your body. Pelvic release work will be part of your programme.
Engage in somatic trauma healing work in a long term container and be consistent with your sessions. Research shows that CSA survivors with ED may require more intensive and prolonged treatment compared to those without a history of abuse.
Source: Rosenbaum, T. Y. (2013).
Identify sexual abuse that happened to you by piecing together somatic imprints and fragmented memories (this is what I specialise in helping my clients to do)
Create a connection with your inner child so that you can feel them in the field and have the ability to do energetic inner child healing to undo the freeze response (take my online course here)
Release the imprints of sexual trauma from your nervous system, pelvis and genitals and heal fear imprints in the root space
Gradually learn how to reconnect to your body and feel your sexual life force in a safe way, so that you can feel arousal without the sudden and unconscious shut down. A recommended practice to start with is Spine Surgery.
Feel the different levels and ways that your body shuts down when aroused (listen to my podcast called Sexual Arousal, Fear and Shut down) and learn to recognise the subtle streams before they cause the shut down
Begin practising self pleasure through slow reconnection with sensation rather than focusing on an end goal which is to get an erection or ejaculate.
Heal your heart field from sadness, frustration and pain created in your previous relationships that you felt was mostly caused by your ED.
Cultivate and direct the flow of life force energy / kundalini up and down your spine such that you learn how to master your own energy system and subtle body.
Read and explore tantric practices and taoist sexual alchemy to deepen your understanding of what sexual energy is, and how to use it.
Identify and deconstruct your limiting beliefs around masculinity and sexuality and understand where they come from. Completely refrain from pornography which drains your sexual life force, desensitises your penis and creates fake, unrealistic perceptions of sexual performance and intimacy.
Begin to access your higher self through expanded states of consciousness and embody your divine masculine energy. Begin to cultivate full body orgasmic bliss without ejaculation (yes, this is possible for you!).
This is a deeply personal healing journey that ultimately takes you far beyond sexual dysfunction and function and into the divine masculine energy that your higher self is waiting for you to reintegrate and reunite with. It's a journey of feeling and healing and true spiritual embodiment. The call for men to embark on this journey is always through pain, trauma and dysfunction because our true purpose is found within the healing of the pain. Your true reason for healing has to be deeper than 'I want to be able to have sex' or 'I want to heal ED,' although it's understandable that this will be a motivation and more front and centre at the beginning of your self enquiry. Ultimately, healing ED is a journey of reconnecting to your body, healing trauma held in your nervous system and reclaiming your true divine masculine energy.
Discover Your Inner Alchemist
If, after reading this post, you feel that you are ready to embark on a life changing healing journey here are your next steps:
1) Enrol in my 2 month self paced online healing course for Healing Childhood Sexual Abuse
2) Work with me 1-1 in a personalised healing programme designed to release the imprints of sexual trauma at a somatic, emotional and energetic level and enable you to move forward in your true power. This starts by booking an in depth consultation where you will get a personalised treatment plan and pathway forward.
You Might Also Like To Read:
Signs that your body is holding unconscious childhood sexual abuse Do you need to heal the wounded masculine?
You Might Also Like To Listen To:
14 mins guided practice to release pelvic floor tension
Womb and sexual energy
Womb to Warrior: Healing Masculine Energy Through Womb Work How to Embody your Divine Masculine Energy - Episode 70
How to balance masculine and feminine energy