13 min read

Why Healing Your Mother Wound is Multi Dimensional Soul Work

You're probably reading this because you realise that at some level, you have been deeply affected by your relational dynamic with your mother, and you're wondering how to heal the grief, shame and body disconnection that seems to have followed you for your whole life.

Whether it was abandonment when you needed her most, psychological, physical, emotional or even sexual abuse or a deep set feeling of being unloved and unwanted, healing your inner mouther wound is a powerful journey that will return you to the seat of your soul, your self worth and your power. This is because healing the mother wound requires you to transmute at multiple dimensions and goes beyond just healing the trauma that was immediately perpetuated through your dynamic with your mother. True transformation of the mother wound takes us into the purpose of the main, transmuting deep set ancestral patterns, reclaiming the freedom and power of our hearts and opens the path for deeper embodiment and integration of divine feminine and masculine energies. Inherently, the mother wound returns us to the divine source or essence within us. As such, paradise awaits within these wounds.

In this article I will discuss:

Most common experiences of maternal wounding
Healing pre verbal trauma imprints (conception, in utero and birth trauma)
Signs of the mother wound
Relational dysfunction and the mother wound
Roots of maternal wounding
The Mother Wound: A Path to Spiritual Awakening
Soul embodiment through healing the mother wound

As always, if you are ready to heal please reach out to me.

Common Experiences of Maternal Wounding

Below are the most common traumatic experiences that create the mother wound. Most people experience several of these rather than just one. The main outcome is a fragmented sense of self, deep shame, unpenetrable grief buried under a layer of rage Psychological and Emotional:

Criticism and verbal abuse disguised as care / guidance
Inconsistent nurturing or care / volatile empathic connection
You felt emotional abandonment at times of need
You experienced Emotional incest /enmeshment with your mother due to her own trauma and disorganised attachment style
Treating the child as a surrogate partner to get reassurance and soothing
Unrealistic expectations or pressure to achieve
You were punished verbally or physically for crying as a child
You were locked in a room when you cried
You were constantly compared to your siblings and not seen as an individual
Your mother was a narcissist who gaslighted you and made you question your own sanity
You only received love based on good performance at school / sports
You were reminded often that your worth is related to material achievements and nothing more
Rejection or favoritism among siblings
Parentification (child forced to be the parent)
Your mother frequently used emotional manipulation or guilt-tripping to control you
Your mother projected her own insecurities onto you, which you then carried into later life
Your mother controlled your life and life decisions making you feel that you were unable to
Your mother had no concept of privacy or boundaries and frequently violated your boundaries but refused to acknowledge this in any way
Your accomplishments were minimised or ridiculed
Your mother never apologised for her behaviour towards you
Emotional blackmail or threats of abandonment
You were exposed to your mother's unpredictable mood swings causing emotional instability
You felt your mother was competing with you
You felt your mother was somehow trying to sabotage you
Your mother constantly shared her problems, including marital problems with you as a child
You felt your emotional needs were neglected and you never experienced consistent emotional attunement and connection
You would get the silent treatment as a punishment when you were naughty or didn't do as you were told
Your mother would withhold affection as a form of control
Your mother could not recognise your individuality or independence and would shame you whenever you expressed it
You were body shamed by your mother
Your mother's world view imprinted on yours which instilled fear and insecurity
Discouragement of healthy risk-taking or exploration
Your mother was jealous of your relationships and tried to break them up
Inability to provide emotional safety or security
Your mother was unable to empathise with your struggles or challenges
Your mother denied your reality, your lived experiences including those of abuse
Religious abuse (read more here)
Your mother constantly used shaming language as a way to discipline and control your behaviour
Your mother would threaten withdrawal of love for no reason Physical:
Forced physical labor or excessive chores beyond the child's capabilities
Burning with cigarettes, hot water, or other objects
Shaking, especially in infants (shaken baby syndrome)
Poisoning (intentionally administering harmful substances)
Forcing the child to stay in painful positions for extended periods
Physical abuse or violence
Using physical restraints unnecessarily
Forcing the child to take cold showers or baths as punishment
Hair pulling or forcefully cutting hair against the child's will
Sexual abuse
Voyeurism
Exposing a child to sexual content including watching parents have sex
Performing prostitution or sex acts when children are in the home
Grooming behaviors
Exploitation (e.g., for pornography)
Inappropriate sexual talk or comments
Coercing a child to perform sexual acts on others
Failure to provide privacy for age-appropriate activities
Physical abandonment at birth or later
Locking up in rooms, bathrooms, bedrooms
Substance abuse whilst pregnant, during breastfeeding or during childhood
Lack of physical affection or touch
Overprotection or helicopter parenting
Failure to protect from physical or sexual abuse when its happening in the family
Withholding of food or water
Placing child in danger or where there are suspicions of abusers
Leaving child with dangerous family members
Leaving child with strangers
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy (now called Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another)
Neglecting to address developmental delays
Medical negligence
Medical abuse
Exaggerating symptoms to get unnecessary treatments
Over-medicating for behavior control
Neglecting dental care
Withholding food or nutrition under the guise of special diets

The Importance of Healing Pre Verbal Maternal Trauma

For every human, their mother was their very first experience of both themselves and the world around them.

This is why the mother wound is so common - the imprints of pain and disconnection are woven into the primal nervous system at such a deep level, it is impossible to detect until it starts playing out through our health and relationships. This is usually when people begin to dive deeper into the healing journey and root causes.

As your brain develops rapidly in the womb, you begin to experience the world around you. You hear your mother's voice and heartbeat, and you feel her movements. These early sensations might kick-start your mirror neuron system - the part of your brain that helps you understand and connect with others. This early development could be setting the stage for how you'll experience empathy, relate to others, and regulate your emotions later in life.

Your mother's physical and emotional state during pregnancy has a direct impact on how your brain and nervous system, and therefore your sense of self develops.

In essence, your social and emotional blueprint is being shaped long before you take your first breath.

Read more about in utero trauma healing here

The Truth About the Painful Roots of Maternal Wounding

The painful roots of maternal wounding often stem from complex, intergenerational cycles of trauma and unresolved psychological issues. These deep-seated problems can manifest in various ways, profoundly affecting a mother's ability to love, nurture and nourish.

One primary reason for maternal wounding is the mother's own unresolved childhood trauma, which impairs her capacity to develop safe and healthy attachments. This can lead to difficulties in emotional regulation, trust, and intimacy, making it challenging for her to form a secure bond with her child. As a result, the mother may struggle to provide consistent emotional support and validation, perpetuating a cycle of insecure attachment.

Another significant factor is undiagnosed severe mental health conditions, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, often rooted in unresolved trauma. Without proper medical support and treatment, these conditions can severely impact a mother's ability to care for her child. The unpredictable nature of these disorders can lead to inconsistent parenting, emotional volatility, and even neglect or abuse, as the mother grapples with her own internal struggles.

In some cases, maternal wounding occurs when the mother is herself a victim of physical or sexual abuse by a partner. To cope with this trauma, she may completely dissociate, leading to emotional unavailability or, in extreme cases, becoming abusive herself. This dissociation serves as a survival mechanism but comes at the cost of her ability to be present and nurturing for her child.

Lastly, ancestral trauma that has never been healed can be unconsciously passed down through the culture and parenting style and is therefore normalised and hidden. This can result in dysfunctional family patterns, maladaptive coping mechanisms, and unresolved emotional issues that affect parenting styles and mother-child relationships. Without conscious effort to break this cycle, the wounds of the past continue to impact future generations.

Signs of Relational Dysfunction and the Mother Wound

When your nervous system as a child was being faced with more unpredictability and stress, than calm and comfort, it was effectively building a model of a) who you think you are b) who you think the 'other' is and c) how you need to interact.

For most people with the mother wound still unresolved, deep down they are holding deep shame about who they are. It is a silent shame that is difficult to put words on but clients often tell me it feels like there is inherently something wrong or disgusting and unworthy about them. This includes people who consider themselves intelligent and successful. This is what makes life with the pain of the mother wound very confusing and unsatisfying. The deeper felt rumbles of pain, grief and shame are like hungry ghosts within. They eat your spirit from the inside, and when you meet other people they consume them too, leaving you yet again, alone and abandoned.

Here are the main relational signs of the mother wound:

Insecure attachment
Avoidant attachment
Disorganised attachment
Feeling intense grief, deep shame and constant longing for love
Feeling unlovable and unloved regardless of what your partner does
Fake persona / presenting the 'nice guy' mask
Struggling to communicate clearly leading to constant conflict and misunderstanding
Inability to engage in healthy disagreements or conflict resolution
Low self esteem / body hatred
Inability to self soothe and regulate strong emotions
Recycling through resentment
Always choosing partners with the same energy as your mother
Gravitating to partners with unresolved childhood trauma
Trying to change / fix / heal your partner because they unconsciously symbolise your mother. If you heal them, you become 'worthy' in your mother's eyes.
Difficulty knowing where your boundaries are
Even harder to communicate them!
Lack of vulnerability in relationships unless there is a crisis
As a result, to get your emotional needs met you create drama
Fear of abandonment in relationships
Difficulty trusting others, expecting betrayal
Codependency or excessive people-pleasing behaviors
Struggling to identify your needs
Unable to identify what you're feeling and name the emotion
Lack of joy and emotional suppression / numbness
Struggling to express your own needs and desires
Attracting emotionally unavailable partners
Attracting manipulative and abusive partners
Feeling responsible for others' emotions or well-being
Becoming enmeshed with your partners emotions
Difficulty receiving love, care, or compliments
Self-sabotaging behaviors when things are going well
Feeling unworthy of love or a healthy relationship
Difficulty setting and maintaining personal boundaries
Emotional volatility or overreaction in relationships
Fear of intimacy or emotional closeness
Constantly seeking validation from your partner
Difficulty being alone
Repeating patterns of toxic relationships
Difficulty identifying and processing your own emotions
Tendency to overshare or under-share personal information
Struggle with assertiveness or standing up for yourself in relationships

Transcending the Mother Wound: A Path to Spiritual Awakening

Healing the mother wound is a profound journey that can lead you to spiritual awakening and personal growth. This process involves deeply reconnecting with yourself and reclaiming your sense of self-worth. Here's how this journey unfolds:

First, you need to understand that the mother wound affects you on multiple levels - personal, ancestral, and collective. It's not just about your relationship with your biological mother, but also about societal and cultural expectations placed on women and motherhood.

To begin healing, you must release your mother from the expectation of perfect love and presence. This doesn't mean excusing harmful behavior, but rather acknowledging that she, too, may have been caught in a cycle of wounding. By doing this, you open the door to loving yourself more fully.

As you progress, you'll learn to break the cycle of seeking external validation and love. Instead, you'll develop the ability to nurture and mother yourself. This is crucial because until you learn to love yourself, you may unconsciously repeat patterns that reinforce the mother wound.

The journey often involves reconnecting with your body, particularly your womb, and with the Earth itself. This connection helps you tap into a deeper, more authentic form of healing. You might find yourself more attuned to nature's rhythms and the cosmic dance of the universe.

As you heal, you'll likely become more aware of your emotions and develop a greater capacity for feeling. This heart-based intelligence is a key aspect of the divine feminine and can lead to profound spiritual insights.

Ultimately, this process of healing and self-discovery can lead you to a deeper connection with your higher self. You may find yourself more in tune with your intuition, more capable of setting healthy boundaries, and better able to form authentic relationships.

Remember, this journey is not just about personal healing. As you heal yourself, you contribute to healing the collective consciousness. Your personal growth ripples out, affecting your relationships, your community, and potentially even the wider world. Transcending the mother wound is a path that can lead you to greater self-love, deeper connections, and a more profound sense of spiritual awakening. It's a challenging journey, but one that offers the potential for profound transformation and growth.

From Wounding to Wholeness: Soul Embodiment Through Maternal Healing

Soul embodiment and developing a felt sense connection to your own soul resonance unfolds as you heal the mother wound, the trauma blocks and the fears in your heart. The deeper you go in your own heart field the more you can expand your consciousness and go beyond your body, into subtle realms.

This process allows you to tap into what many ancient traditions refer to as 'the Great Mother' energy - the creative life force of the cosmos. Click here to listen to my guided healing transmission.

As you deepen this connection, you begin to experience a visceral sense of your own divine nature, feeling the pulse of universal energy flowing through you.

Many ancient cultures recognized this connection to the Great Mother energy. In Hinduism, the concept of Shakti represents the primordial cosmic energy and divine feminine creative power. The Egyptians revered Isis as the mother of all beings, while the Greeks honored Gaia as the ancestral mother of all life. Native American traditions speak of the Earth Mother, and in Chinese philosophy, the Tao is often described in maternal terms.

As you heal and embody your soul, you begin to resonate with these timeless concepts, experiencing what the mystic poet Rumi described: "You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop." This felt sense of connection to your soul and the greater cosmic energy brings a profound sense of belonging, purpose, and inner peace, transforming your relationship with yourself and the world around you.

Client Transformation Stories

'Something extraordinary has happened and all I can put it down to is the healing.

I got deeper access to my own womb and felt my ethereal mother and all the female ancestors dance within me. For the first time in my life I felt like I was supported and held with love and sacredness. I felt powerful within myself. The emotional pain that I had held onto from my childhood felt foreign to me today.' Fay, USA

'A lot of emotional release, message of feeling unsafe and unwanted carried from mothers lineage Heart opening healing generational wounds - the love I’ve craved

I wish I had the words. That was so special and important. I felt myself choose my mother, and I needed to feel that. It’s always been complicated and hard with her, but now I know I chose her, I chose to be here to give her the love she needs, and knew that would come with the price of her not giving me the love I needed from her. I bring the love we both need. I am that love. I felt this process, beginning as a little baby and suddenly i become bigger, like expanding myself in an other level....i’m happy, really happy, im proud of me! blown away by the waterfall. So deeply beautiful. before that I was astounded by the movement in the womb waters and grief in my heart growing, was so deep in love and peace. Deep acceptance of the love I have never gotten from my mother. She didn’t have it to give. So much peace. As always Safa... so thankful for your gifts 💖'

I had ancestors come in to my field during the ancestral healing work I did. There was so much light and energy flowing through the whole field. I was being cleared and healed and filled with light for my journey. I deepened in my womb embodiment, I swam with the whales, felt their deep spirit in womb, the pulse of the oceans and earth's heart beat. I felt gratitude for my family and children. I saw their true essence and light -who they really are. I reconnected with my mother who had passed away, i held her hand in a coffin, kissed her with thanks for her journey. I am still buzzing, feeling so blessed and blissed out! Safa, you are a master orchestrator of the cosmic symphony. This was a magical healing ride that I will never forget. - Mia, Canada

'I was awakened by the great mother and held by her, and felt surrounded by my ancestors and also felt the light light presence of Jesus beside me. I felt surrounded by angels and ancestors. I received pieces of my heart I gave away. Felt like I received heart surgery. Felt myself saying to my parents I am ready to go, and felt like I flat lined, feeling like a stream of light going through my whole being, down into the void.

WOW i felt it deeply through my whole body, the light penetrated and widened me deeeeeply!!! It expanded me so much!!! It felt like I was being showered with so much light!! Shining a light on all the painful spots. SOOO BRIGHT, I continued to breathe, as the light healed the pain in my body!! It felt so light and intense and beautiful, like a massage. Just kept breathing and feeling and breathing and feeling and recieving.

Felt like I birthed my babyself, and was holding my babyself so sweetly. I felt so connected to my ancestors on both sides!!! And felt the magic of my parents being in the field too, and I just feel so supported and like the luckiest girl in the world. With so much light behind me, and coming into me. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. I feel so at peace. But I know this is just the beginning. As I write all I can feel are overwhelming tears of gratitude and awe for it all truly!! I am in love with the evolution of being me, I am in love with my journey, I am in love with my life. Yes, there is always stuff to clear but just like a flower I will continue to shed and bloom, and that is breathtaking in itself. Thank you so much Safa, I love you!!! Thank you thank you!! 💜 Your gift, your love is a gift!' - Jasmine, Costa Rica

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