Driven by a self-destructive inner narrative, narcissists possess a relentless drive to elevate themselves at the expense of others. This pursuit of grandiosity and control can leave a wake of psychological, emotional, financial, and even spiritual ruin in the lives of those unfortunate enough to become entangled with them. Studies show up to 70% of victims experience clinical depression and victims of narcissistic abuse are at higher risk of developing substance abuse as a coping mechanism.
The Narcissistic abuse cycle is designed to degrade you to the point where you cannot stand up for yourself and you cannot leave them, therefore you keep feeding them and nothing changes.
Narcissism is associated with a 21% increase in the likelihood of engaging in physical aggression (Bushman & Baumeister, 1998) and research indicates that narcissists exhibit deficits in both cognitive and affective empathy (Ritter et al., 2011). This means they are less likely to feel remorse or guilt for their harmful behaviors (Hepper et al., 2014).
The damage done by narcissists is extremely dangerous.
It can range from psychological and emotional bullying that feels like torture, gaslighting that makes you question your own sanity and also physical abuse. It can leave you emotionally, spiritually and financially bankrupt. Infact, it's designed to break you down to the point where you have nothing left of yourself except to keep serving the narcissist.
The narcissistic abuse cycle is designed to degrade you to the point where you cannot stand up for yourself and you cannot leave them, therefore you keep feeding them and nothing changes.
The narcissist will destroy you, psychologically, emotionally, financially and spiritually because they are running on self destructive fake programmes. This destruction doesn't happen overnight. It is a sophisticated and elusive process of grooming that is barely perceptible, at least until you see the patterns repeat, which can take months or years. For some people, particularly if they have married a narcissist and had children with them, it can take decades to see the truth.
Narcissistic abuse is also very dangerous because it becomes incredibly difficult to seek help when you need it. By the time you realise you have been manipulated by a narcissist, you have probably already lost a lot of your internal and even external resources - whether it's friends, family, money, energy.
You are drained, fragile and your nervous system will be totally fried.
It's common to be deeply misunderstood and unseen when you go to therapy. This can leave you feeling more alone, confused and disconnected from your truth and your power.
The truth is, if you do not cut the cycle and leave, the narcissist wins because they have what they want - a never ending supply of energy to drain that will never abandon them, the parent they never had and the false mask that will never have to come off - a free ride to continued abuse.
Narcissistic abuse can and does turn into physical violence. The narcissist hides their suppressed rage that has followed them their whole life, since a baby. They have no relationship with their anger and either a) believe they are not angry people and never get angry or b) they believe their physical violence and outbursts are justified. Either way, you are living in a pressure pot of unresolved rage that prevents anything from being resolved. The narcissist can physically harm you, and it is not uncommon for them to also harm themselves and blame you for it. If you ever feel like your life is in danger (which you will with a narcissist), please do not question yourself or remain in that environment. Reach out for help immediately, whether it's 911 or even a friend or family.
When violence occurs, the narcissist will have sophisticated ways to make you feel that you are responsible and to blame, including gaslighting. In extreme cases, the narcissist dissociates completely from their body and reality, appearing calm and innocent while you question your reality and the danger you are in.
This fake calmness is a dissociation response that is deeply programmed in them since childhood. It means they do not have to feel the true reality of what is happening around them, to them and because of them.
If they don't feel it, it's not happening. This is the power play of the narcissist. > Click here to take my in-depth online course on healing dissociation
Narcissistic brains demonstrate decreased connectivity between self-reflection networks and neural pathways responsible for understanding another person's mental state. Their lack of empathy and deep-seated shame make you completely expendable to them. This drastic shift from initial kindness to hatred is jarring, but it was never genuine - you were simply "love bombed" to win your trust.
The narcissist's suppressed rage can manifest in two ways: forcing you into situations where you must defend yourself, or becoming outright life-threatening. In both cases, you'll see the "monster" in their eyes - a vacant, soulless stare that feels demonic.
Ultimately, the narcissist is not living authentically. They hide behind a facade of false personas, making them impossible to hold accountable. Facing the truth of who they are feels like "ego death" - a prospect they'll go to great lengths to avoid.
The narcissist's abuse can span emotional, psychological, spiritual, and even physical or sexual abuse . They're incredibly skilled at manipulation, blurring your boundaries and making you question your own sanity. Their charm and "niceness" allow them to insinuate themselves into your life, making it difficult to recognize the danger.
When faced with the prospect of losing you, the narcissist will shift personas, becoming apologetic and making false promises of change. Their goal is merely to keep you in their orbit, to retain their source of supply and not to truly improve themselves.
The narcissist's betrayal and violation of your trust is a profound breach of what should have been an honoured, cherished vulnerability. They may even put your life and your family's lives at risk, while gaslighting you and making it appear to be all your fault. This can leave you isolated, unsupported and alone.
In severe cases, the narcissist can develop psychopathic traits, seemingly deriving pleasure from eliciting your emotional reaction and a sense of pride from being able to deceive everyone around them. Of course this is not something they would admit to, but subconsciously this can drive them. Studies have found that the trauma from narcissistic abuse can impact the victim's ability to trust, form healthy relationships, and regulate their emotions even years after the abuse has ended.
Health problems like autoimmune disorders, chronic pain, and cardiovascular issues are higher among those who have experienced narcissistic abuse. Children raised by narcissistic parents face a higher risk of developing their own mental health issues like attachment disorders, anxiety, depression, and personality disorders.
The psychological, emotional, social, and physical toll of narcissistic abuse can be severe and long-lasting for victims. Recovery often requires intensive therapy and a supportive network. Increased awareness of this form of abuse is important for helping survivors heal.
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